My default setting is slightly unhappy. I react badly to change, I’m risk averse, I spend far too much of my life worrying about things that will probably never happen. Sometimes this tips over into low-level depression – I haven’t gone down the medication route, but was seriously considering it a few weeks ago.
A couple of weeks ago I was sat at work on Monday and Tuesday feeling miserable as usual. Then on Wednesday, something changed. It was like I’d forgotten to be depressed. Somehow it didn’t matter any more that I was sat with different people or that I was doing something slightly different. If I didn’t feel exactly overjoyed, I certainly didn’t feel unhappy any more.
And it’s lasted. Somehow I feel more motivated than I have in months. I’ve been getting on and doing little things without thinking about them. Previously something small like changing and washing the table cloth would be seen as an enormous hassle, although music does help All of a sudden I’ve achieved some very small things I’ve been putting off for weeks – I’ve just done them, and they weren’t even stressful!
I’ve ordered some house numbers for our enormous collection of bins, recycling boxes and food waste caddies, I’ve made an appointment with a podiatrist for a problem which has been niggling me for the best part of year. And I’ve done some dusting. I just got on with it. I didn’t think ‘Oh my God, I’ve got to do dusting, I hate dusting, I don’t want to do dusting, dusting is such a hassle’ which is what I normally think.
I find it strange when I read that people can’t be bothered to blog. Through all my demotivation, blogging and its time-suck friends Twitter and Facebook have been all I’ve been interested in. But right now I feel I can do it all. I can blog, I can do housework, I can run errands, I can help out at school.
And I can do it with a smile on my face. Happiness and motivation are feeding off each other and the dark clouds have lifted. Long may it continue.