I just need you to be honest…

Dear Son

Sometimes I find odd things in your room. Normal things, but in the wrong place. They shouldn’t be there. I don’t know why they’re there.

I ask you what they’re doing there.

And you lie to me.

It could be that you’re doing something illegal or bad, but I don’t really think so. I think you’re just doing something a bit weird or geeky, maybe making something you’ve seen on YouTube, and you don’t want your siblings to know about it for fear of them laughing at you.

But I just need you to be honest.

Because I don’t know for sure if you’re doing something a bit weird or geeky. And it concerns me.

I’m your parent. It is my job to protect you and keep you safe. You are a teenage boy and there is so much out there to threaten your safety.

There’s bullying at school, cyber bullying and online grooming.

There’s drugs and alcohol.

There’s friendship and relationship problems.

There’s petty crime.

There’s stress and depression, self-harming and eating disorders.

And that’s just off the top of my head.

Being a teenager isn’t a walk in the park, but parenting one, or two in my case, isn’t either. You might think I’m being nosy, that you’re entitled to your privacy, and you are. But I need to know what you’re doing to keep you safe. How do I know if you’re just being a bit geeky and weird or if you’re in some kind of trouble, if you don’t tell me?

I won’t judge you for being weird and geeky, and if it is something bad, I want to know, so I can help.

I’m your mother. You are my son.

And I just need you to be honest.

Not Just The 3 Of Us

Author: Sarah Mummy

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22 Comments

  1. I can so relate to this, Sarah. I know my son feels the same way as yours and it’s so hard for them as they are trying to develop their confidence.

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    • Thanks very much! It’s good to know others are the same. I’m pretty sure developing confidence is what it’s about, but I wish he could just admit that to me!

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  2. I’m not sure what happens during the teens as I remember going through this phase. I hope he doesn’t open up though x

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    • That’s reassuring to know, thanks. I was thinking I didn’t used to hide anything, but then I remembered I used to secretly exercise after I’d gone to bed. No doubt my parents knew and there was no need to keep it a secret. Parents aren’t daft! x

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  3. Oh bless, so difficult for both of you. I hope you manage to work out what’s going on but I’m sure it’s nothing sinister, both of your sons sound like very sensible boys.
    Nat.x

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    • Thanks very much, they are! I’m about 90% certain it’s something completely innocent, but I would like to know to be sure! x

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  4. Oh I hear you. My son is definitely acting weird and we don’t know why. Just caught him with a 3am alarm again – why does anyone need to be awake at that time?!

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    • That’s kind of reassuring to hear for me. Waking up at 3am is something my son would never do, but at the same time I can sort of relate to it as my son is clearly trying to do things without us knowing. I hope your son stops it soon – it can’t be good for his health or his school work!

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  5. They are strange aren’t they? I know mine bottles things up and then talks to me about them in the middle of the night. I am not quite at the teen stage yet, but it’s not too far off. I just wish they’d talk to us more. Good luck xx

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    • At least he does talk to you in the end! I hope he keeps that up as he gets older. It’s a shame they don’t feel like they can confide in us 🙁 x

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  6. Hi. It probably is something “innocent” but which he finds hard to talk about. I thought my parents wouldn’t understand anything I did so I kept myself to myself a lot at that age. I think our brains are sometimes wired to jump to the worst possible conclusions – I know I do that a lot! #TweensTeensBeyond ❤

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    • Thanks very much! That’s reassuring to hear and I think you’re almost certainly right. It’s a shame we parents have to worry so much, but I guess it’s our job!

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  7. I’m totally with you on this Sarah. And you are right, it’s probably nothing more than being embarrassed about something a little nerdy. It’s the secrecy that makes us suspicious. My daughter has done this a couple of times with the ipod which is like a red rag to a bull. Of course, I’m going to think she’s up to something. I’ve said the same things to her and I know she is probably doing something equally nerdy. In my day that would probably have been writing a love poem with pen and paper!!!! I’ve also said that she should know there is nothing she can do on her ipod that we won’t know about. That should work for 6 months!!! Phone next. The rules have been carved on a slab!! Thanks so much for joining us again. We love having you here at #TweensTeensBeyond Nicky

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    • Thanks very much! It’s good to hear other kids are secretive too. I suppose it’s to be expected, but it doesn’t stop us parents from worrying! I think it’s highly likely that he is just doing something a bit nerdy that he doesn’t want us to judge him about.

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  8. We need danger money! Being a parent to tweens and teens is not for the fainthearted and I just worry about them so much. I hope they always know I’m here for them. That honesty is the best policy. A very relatable post. #TweensTeensBeyond

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    • Thanks very much! It’s so natural for us to worry about them and I guess it’s natural for them to want to keep things from us. Which can make our lives very difficult!

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  9. Sarah this resonates with me and no doubt every other parent of a tween or teen. They definitely go through a secretive stage, but if it is any small comfort they do eventually emerge in one piece, but in the meantime keep banging that honesty drum. I would be a millionaire if I had a penny for every time I have said that to mine. As you say without honesty you cannot support them or help them when they need it most. Thanks for linking up again. #TweensTeensBeyond

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    • That’s reassuring to hear, thanks! I can’t believe I’ve got to go through this another two times! I’ll keep encouraging the honesty 🙂

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  10. I can relate to this!! It’s so hard to get the balance right between being suspicious and letting them have breathing space. #TweensTeensBeyond

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    • Thanks very much! No doubt I’ll work it out about the time my youngest child reaches the end of her teens! 😉

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  11. Totally get where you’re coming from. We have these deceptions & I’m sure it’s because my daughter fears our judgement (which makes me worry about what kind of signals I’m sending out!). It’s the not knowing that is so scary. More than anything, I realise how important it is to foster an environment of clear communication! Well said! Great post! #tweensteensbeyond

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    • So very true! I know I hid stuff from my parents in case they thought I was weird – and all I was doing was exercising in my bedroom in the evenings!

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