No one likes a skinny, sober bitch

Checking out Facebook on new year’s day, I found this little gem on one of those ‘amusing’ pictures people like to post: My New Year’s resolution is to stop kidding myself that I’ll make a lifestyle change this year. No one likes a skinny, sober bitch anyway.

A few people had ‘liked’ it, but not me. Because I’m a skinny teetotaller and I took offence. Why is it acceptable to have a go at people who are thin and don’t drink?

Imagine if the boot were on the other foot? What if I had posted No-one likes a pissed-up, fat bitch?

I’d have been lynched, ostracised, friendless. Public enemy number 1.

It would be totally unacceptable of course, but is it any different from having a go at the skinny people? Having a go at me? No, it isn’t.

It’s the no one likes part that gets to me most because it plays on my insecurities. I have friends, but I’m not the most popular person in the world. It makes me wonder do people not like me because I’m thin?

Being thin goes against female and particularly mum solidarity. Would people like me more if I was a more socially acceptable 12 or 14? Or if I was fat? Do people look at me and think they don’t want to talk to me or be my friend because I’m thin?

Do they like me less because I’m naturally thin and eat a lot? Would they like me more or less if I worked my arse off or starved myself to keep myself this size? Or do they think I work my arse off because they see me running?

Am I reading too much into one frivolous picture with a throwaway caption? Almost certainly. But these things can do damage. To people’s self-esteem and mental health. And I haven’t even started on the ‘sober’ aspect yet.

I don’t drink. I am a life-long teetotaller. To me it is the most normal thing in the world because I don’t know any other way. But to the rest of the world it marks me out as a bit weird. Possibly no fun.

Drinking is another part of mum solidarity. Bad day? Drink wine. Or maybe gin. Good day? Drink wine. Or maybe gin.

I don’t do that, so it’s another reason why people might want to avoid me. Thin, don’t drink, no fun. Who would want to be my friend?

No-one apparently. Because no one likes a skinny, sober bitch. (The grammatical error is direct from the original picture and absolutely nothing to do with me.)

For the record, I like fat people and thin people and in-between people. I like people who drink and people who don’t drink.

I like nice people. The rest of it doesn’t matter. There are some horrible thin people out there and some horrible fat people. But there are far more nice people – obese, skinny and in-between.

I like to think I’m a fairly nice person, but I realise I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. People can like me or dislike me, but I want them to judge me not on the basis of my size or what I choose to consume, but on my personality.

So have a think about that before you share an ‘amusing’ picture with a wide audience. Not everyone will complain about it loudly, some people will turn on themselves and do themselves some damage.

This is my skinny, 39 year old, post three kids body today. My ribs stick out further than my boobs

Author: Sarah Mummy

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  1. Totally agree with you, I haven’t drunk since 2009 n sometimes feel a bit of an outcast because of not fitting in with the social aspect of it all. My friend was not allowed to join a baby group because she bottle fed and the group was entitled breastfeeding mothers, but she was not allowed to setup a bottle feeding mothers group, how is that fair? A mother is a mother regardless of how she feeds her child, it should have been a parents group.

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  2. Very well written post.
    Like I admitted to you, I was also guilty of posting this picture. However, I didn’t post it as a dig towards people such as yourself, it was aimed at me and my inability to stick to a diet.
    Thinking about it now and seeing people’s reactions I can totally understand why people would have found it offensive. Although, if I were skinny and the picture was the othe way around I probably still would have posted it as that’s my humour. But like I said, humour intended towards myself, not intended to offend others.
    I have apologised for offending (even though I know it wasn’t my particular post that upset you) and I stand by that. In future I think I will definitely think about those who can be affected by such things.

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  3. I agree it’s a very well written post. I think it’s so sad that people can be made to feel excluded just because of their life choices, we should celebrate differences not polarise people xx

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  4. You’re right. I was bullied at school for being too skinny, I danced and had a fast motablism. Equally a friend was bullied for being overweight (she later discovered she has thyroid issues). I remained slim (size 8) until I had H and since then I haven’t been able to get back down to that size, despite hovering around the same weight.

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  5. I don’t think people really think when they post these photos/ pictures. I am not defending them by any means but I think some people’s idea of harmless fun can often cause more harm than done. We are all unique and individual and that what is great about the human race. Whether you are far or thin, a drinker or tee total, we are all different and we shouldn’t be judged but probably always will be. I think you’re great just as you are x

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  6. As you know I’m a straight talker and a fat sober bitch!I have a small glass per week by and large. I think there is an element of truth in the first part of the sentence in that people should be realistic about their goals – its easy to say you’re going to lose 3 stone when your stomach is groaning from the amount of food you have consumed during the xmas period mcuh like a heavy weekend etc – the second part is just justification to continue as you were in that eating, drinking makes you more socialable etc but is bullshit. Who says a ‘skinny’ person isn’t fun and can’t enjoy themsevles if they’re teetotal. I bet they have lots of fun trying on clothes that do up and waking up with a clear hear. My first though was jealousy but really its a way of justifing why you can’t be arsed to change your ways which is fine but saying ‘no one likes a skinny bitch’ just makes you sound like one – minus the skinny of course. x

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  7. Thanks very much for your comments, ladies. I really appreciate them.
    Leyla – I agree it’s so hard to feel left out, whatever the reason! It’s not fair to exclude people for their choices.
    Thanks, Misty, I know you didn’t mean any offence and I really appreciate that. I don’t think the woman who posted it did either and she has apologised! I get that you and she are laughing at yourselves.
    MG – it’s horrible the way girls get bullied for being different. I was actually a size 10-12 throughout my teens and twenties, but lost a bit of weight naturally after having kids and have been a size 8 ever since. It worried me at first, but now I realise it’s just the way I am! As the world gets gradually fatter with the whole obesity epidemic thing, I do feel like I stand out a bit.
    Thanks very much, Nikki! She didn’t mean to cause offence of course and was laughing at herself and similar friends.
    Quite, Natasha, it does make her sound rather bitchy! Just because you’re thin or teetotal or both doesn’t make you no fun.

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  8. Ouch. I really hope you feel proud of who you are and what you are achieving. Your body is your own business. I think it’s lovely to be healthy and happy. Have a happy, skinny 2013 🙂

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  9. I think you just need to be happy and comfortable with yourself and not concern yourself too much with what other people think of you. Drinking just because your friends do is giving in to peer pressure: this is the same reason why a lot of teenagers start smoking, binge drinking or taking drugs, which is hardly behaviour which you want to copy. Good for you for being yourself.

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  10. Thanks you very much, both of you. I am happy with myself and I will stay that way! 🙂

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  11. Brilliant post!

    I lufs you. Fat. thin. Tall. Short. Wide. Narrow. Purple. Pink. Drunk. Sober. Whatev’s.

    Screw ’em.

    Mwah xx

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  12. Thanks very much, that is one of my favourite comments EVER, Kerry! Screw ’em indeed! x

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  13. Your ribs might stick out but you’ve got some funky nail varnish going on there! This is a GREAT post and echoes the majority of people’s views. I just think some people don’t actually THINK when they post things on FB. Utter nonsense that you should be disliked for being thin. I’m a size 8 too, always have been (apart from pregnant) and probably always will be. I don’t work hard at it, I am naturally petite – I honestly don’t think people like me any less for it. However, there is definitely a social stigma around not drinking – good for you I say, more of us should take a leaf out of your book and be healthier to boot!

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  14. Thanks very much, Suzanne. Really appreciate that. I was a 10/12 before having kids, but have been an 8 now for so long, I don’t think I will ever change. It’s good to know I’m not the only one. I know people I know don’t judge me for it (although they still think I’m weird for not drinking!), but that stupid picture made me wonder if people who don’t know me are judging me for being thin.
    Not drinking is the way forward… If I had my way, no-one would drink!

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  15. Well said. I would kill to have your figure, sticky out ribs or no sticky out ribs. My boobs have their own post code.

    You are right, people post these things with no thought for what they actually mean.

    It is like when people say “oh shoot me now”. No thanks. Not when so many people have been killed that way. It is a throwaway line that nobody really thinks about. Until they lose somebody that way.

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  16. Totally agree with you on this, I’m a fat recovering alcoholic and now been clean and sober for 15 years now.

    I get judged on my weight, I’m not lazy I keep as active as my health allows, I get sick of people telling me to go swimming or eat less. I wouldn’t dream of saying that to anyone so what gives them the right to insult me and others by commenting on their weight or lack of it.

    As for the not drinking, people think I’m odd I’m a party pooper and one won’t hurt!

    Even when I explain the situation I get told your alright now though, so go on have one.

    Well one is not enough, people have their own reasons for not drinking and should never ever have to justify themselves.

    Did you over react? I don’t think so, if you found it offensive it was wrong!!

    We all have issues and throwaway comments and pictures like this can cause a lot of hurt to some people, why are people still so cruel in this so called politically correct society? If you say something back you are in the wrong GRRRR

    Great post by the way x

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  17. Well said from another skinny & sober with 4 kids – anything but a bitch!! xx

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  18. Thanks very much, everyone, really appreciate your comments.
    You’re right, Dawn, people’s comments do hurt and no-one should judge you. We all have to make the decisions that are right for us.
    Emily – glad to hear someone else is skinny and sober and also NOT a bitch!
    Mummy Barrow, I can’t imagine what it is like to have boobs! Good point about ‘shoot me now’ – I’m guilty of that one and have never really thought it might be offensive. I will make an effort not to say that any more.

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  19. Well said, Sarah! I am beginning to realise the social implications of what I put out to the social media world or my blog I think a lot of people thrive on sensationalism because it gets them the attention – it’s all about getting the highest number of likes with no regard to the damage it might cause. You are entitled to an opinion but you have to be mindful of how it is expressed.

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  20. I am like you, I don’t touch alcohol and when out in company people do try to pressurise into taking a drink but a lot less so now than say 20 yrs ago. I was welcome in my what was local pub at 16 with friends as long as I did not drink, that was no problem. More people respect the “sorry I am not drinking as I am driving” response better than I don’t drink. Biggest thing that annoys me is the price of soft drinks when out, but that is another blog post.
    Not all “skinny” people are happy being “skinny” and yes one of the cuff comment can really hurt.
    I am obese, weigh no more or no less than I did 25 yrs ago despite eating healthy and be physically active, and no matter how much more exercise I do I cannot lose weight. Yes I have heard it is a balance but obviously a balance I am getting correct enough not to gain but wrong enough not to lose.
    I agree that a fat biased comment would have caused controversy.
    I am me, I am what I am, I know I am a nice kind caring person and if the treat of the world can’t see that because I am obese then that is their loss not mine. One of the joys of ageing is worrying less about what the rest of the world think of you.
    Happy New year

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    • Happy new year! It’s great that you are so active, you are obviously getting the right balance for you. I am happy with being slim and it is obviously my natural shape as I do eat a lot. I just don’t like that people would judge me on that or somehow see me as no fun. Generally these days the people I meet are accepting of me not drinking, but there will always be the odd joke about it.

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