On tattoos and football

From nappies made of meat to tattoos and the population, here are a few of the strange things my kids talk to me about. Always when I’m driving or cooking the tea, you understand. Never when I’ve actually got a few minutes to think about their nonsense.

LG age 5: What is the most unhealthy food in the world?

LG age 5: I had a dream that 5 year olds turned into babies and I had a nappy and it was made of meat and I ate it. We were looking everywhere for some real nappies.

B1 age 9 3/4: LG, would you like to be a lesbo?

LG age 5: Can we watch the World Cup?
Daddy: It’s not on for another three years.

B1 age 9 3/4: Johnny asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said anything that doesn’t involve fighting.

LG age 5: Was I very clever when I was a baby?

B1 age 9 3/4: Which is the most populated in England, the south or the north?

B1 age 9 3/4: I’m not going to have tattoos when I’m older. I’m just going to draw snakes and dragons on with biro.