The longest day – part 4

My boss asked me yesterday ‘How are you even alive?’ He’d spent a week with three kids. If the bedtime blog didn’t act as contraception, this one should. It’s a day like any other, except it was a day in which I decided to write down every single question my kids asked me. Suffice to say, my hand was aching. To get the full impact, this should be read after parts 1, 2 and 3.

It’s late morning. We are at Sainsbury’s. The kids are aged 9, 6 3/4 and 4 1/4.

LG: What was that?
Me: The recycling lorry.

LG: There’s another trolley.
Me: That’s not for Sainsbury’s, we won’t take it back.
LG: What’s it for?
Me: Another shop.

LG: Who do people who are disabled go like this?
Me: I don’t know.

B1: Mummy, can I go round and meet you back in a minute?
Me: Where are you off to?
B1: Just the toy bit.
Me: OK.
B2: Can I?

LG: Mummy, can I buy that?
Me: Yes.

LG: What’s that?
Me: It’s a memory game.
LG: What’s a memory game?
Me: It’s a card game, a pairs game.

B1: When can we have our lunch?
Me: When we get home.

Me: We’re looking for juices.
B1: Can’t she just have beer?
Me: Shutup.

B2: Mummy, is it getting hotter?
Me: Yes.

B2: Is it the Heat magazine? Does it have a picture on the front?
Me: I don’t know what the picture will be.

LG: Can we have one of these?
Me: One of these tills?
LG: Yes.

B1: What’s he stopping for?
Me: To get LG’s juice.

LG: Will my drink blow away?
Me: No, it won’t blow away.
LG: Why?
Me: Because it’s too heavy.

B1: What’s in there, Mummy?
Me: It’s a disused shop.
B1: Is someone going to buy it?
Me: I’ve got no idea.

Me: It’s lunchtime soon.
B2: Then why did you let us have a snack?
Me: Because you’d walked a long way and you’ve still got to walk back, so I thought you’d burn it off.

B1: Is somebody working in there?
Me: I suppose so, yes.

B2: What’s in there?
Me: It’s grit for when it’s icy.

B1: What’s going on in there?
Me: They’re refurbishing it.
B1: What’s it called?
Me: Carpet Depot.

LG: Mummy, do you think we walk-ed or runned?
Me: I don’t know.
LG: Walk-ed.

B2: We went swimming that day. Can we do the same today?
Me: No, I can’t manage all three of you on my own in there.

LG: Why’s that person’s light on?
Me: It’s a bit cloudy.
B2: Whose?
Me: A car that went past.
B2: That motorbike?
Me: No.

LG: What’s B2 talking about?
Me: The film he saw the other day.
LG: What is it?
Me: The Karate Kid.

B2: On Card-Jitsu, do you know what I always choose? (That’s a Club Penguin thing)
Me: No.
B2: I always use water when I’m ‘versing’ the bottom one. (He means ‘against’)

B2: On sports day, Max, do you know what happened?
Me: What?
B2: A bit of his tooth fell off. I think that bit.

LG: Why’s there a path there?
Me: Because that’s what it is, it’s a footpath.

LG: No, B2, you’re not climbing that.
Me: He wouldn’t be able to climb that.
LG: Why?
Me: There’s no branches on it.
B2: A monkey could climb it.
LG: Could a monkey climb it?
Me: Yes.

LG: Who was that? It went ee-or.
Me: I don’t know.

LG: Is that the farm?
Me: Yes, it’s the caravan park, it’s part of the farm.
LG: Can I see the animals?
Me: There aren’t any animals.
LG: Why is there hay?
Me: To feed animals and for them to sleep on.

B1: What else are we doing today?
Me: Going to the optician’s.
B1: It’s all B2’s fault! And LG’s glasses are scratched.
Me: That might be a bigger problem.
B1: Why? Cost money?
Me: No, she might need new ones though.

LG: Is this the house I wanted?
Me: No.

B1: Who are they?
Me: Probably the people who’ve just moved in.

LG: Will Grandma and Grandpa come round today?
Me: Maybe, I’m not sure.
B1: Will those girls come round today?
Me: I don’t know.

LG: Can I help make the lunch?
Me: Yes.
LG: Can I help with all of it?

Me: Nobody wants that one.
LG: Why?
Me: Nobody likes crusts.
LG: This one?
Me: Yes.
LG: Another one for B1? Does B2 need two?
Me: Yes.
LG: Why does B2 need two?
Me: Because he’s a big boy.

B1: What were the grown ups’ names at the house?
Me: Robert and Andrea.

LG: What did Daddy say?
Me: He was telling me something about work.
LG: Did Daddy see us?
Me: No, Rich did.
LG: What did Rich say?
Me: The boys were running ahead and you slipped. It must have been when you fell over.

B1: Would you write personal information? It was in that questionnaire with Roman numerals.
Me: You shouldn’t write personal information unless you know where it’s going.

LG: Why did that man say Marmite is good for you on the Beavers picnic?
Me: It is quite good for you.
LG: It’s not really good for you, it’s quite like chocolate. It looks like chocolate.

So we’ve made it to lunchtime! There’s still a long way to go on the longest day… Watch this space and keep reading, if you can cope with any more.