Both ends

My husband (yep, he’s the one who doesn’t appear on my icon thingy) has complained about my blog. He doesn’t READ it, you understand. This is for two reasons a) he knows the kids are fussy eaters and has heard all their funny questions before and b) that sort of stuff is ‘more for women’ anyway.

His complaint is my icon thingy. He says it makes me look like a single mum. Worse, he says I want people to think I’m a single mum because it’s somehow funnier or more dramatic. I don’t. I think I have been quite upfront in the blog about having a husband – and I should know, I wrote the damn thing.

But just in case you got the wrong impression. For the record – I HAVE A HUSBAND. I AM NOT A SINGLE MUM.

This blog is about family life and the fact of the matter remains that my husband doesn’t feature that highly in family life, particularly during the week. That’s not to say he’s a bad person. He’s not. Far from it, he’s a very good person. I should know, I married him and had three kids with him. We have been together for half our lives.

My husband burns the candle both ends. Or maybe he doesn’t, because doesn’t that mean work hard and play hard?! He doesn’t play hard, he hardly plays at all, because he just works TOO DAMN HARD. I admire him for his commitment and I would much rather he worked hard than played hard, but it would definitely be nice for me and the kids to see a bit more of him.

My husband has his own business and it’s pretty successful. It was set up just before the recession and has grown and expanded in that time, which is a tribute to his hard work and commitment. When you have your own business, you never stop thinking about it and you NEVER stop working. The laptop and the iPhone (work emails, not fun stuff) are constant companions, at home, on holiday and on days out.

On a good day, he leaves at 8am and gets in at 6.30pm, although in recent months 6.30 has started to slip a bit and is getting closer to 6.45. On a bad day, he is gone by 6am, stays away and gets home around 10pm the following night. So for the kids that’s not like he’s been away for one night, it’s like he’s been away for half the week.

Needless to say during that time the kids don’t go hungry or fail to get to school because there is always someone there – yours truly. On the rare occasions I go out in the evening, I check with him that it’s OK before making any plans. When he works late or works away, he just tells me because he knows I will alway be here picking up the pieces.

Sometimes I get a bit fed up and I criticise him for his work. He thinks everyone is the same as him and he is better at getting home than most people, because he moves in circles with professionals and senior managers. I move in circles where men mainly do ‘normal’ jobs and finish work at 5. I hope one day he doesn’t wake up and realise I was right all along and he really did work too hard and miss out on the kids growing up. If anyone else criticises him, including the kids, I will always defend him. My Dad always worked very long hours, but somehow he and my Mum have forgotten this fact now he’s retired.

On the evenings my husband does make it home on time he does one of three things – work at home, go back to the office or fall asleep on the settee around 9pm. It’s because of this I developed my Facebook and now blogging habit. Once the kids are in bed, the kitchen tidy and the washing put away, the evenings can be a pretty lonely place.

Right now he really is burning the candle both ends and he is stressed, which is unusual. He is squeezing an FA coaching course into his already crammed life to help him with coaching my younger son’s football team. As a result of this, he had McDonalds for tea at 10pm on both Monday and Tuesday, while I went to work and did everything for the kids and around the house. I hope this isn’t the straw that breaks the camel’s back for him. And if Daddy camel’s back breaks, Mummy camel and all the little baby camels are going to end up with broken backs.

So you can see why I might give the impression of being a single mum because in many ways I am. My good friend UleyGirl has a very similar husband. She put it to him that she was a basically a single mum and he pointed out that she had more money than a single mum. He has a point, but with the hours my husband works we should be rich, and we’re not. We’re comfortable, we certainly don’t go without. We live in a nice area in a house that is too small which boasts a toilet that doesn’t flush and an under sink cupboard rendered completely useless by a leaky washing machine pipe. But that’s a story for another day.

Author: Sarah Mummy

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  1. I hope one day he does sit down and read this post and realise there is more to life than work

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  2. Thanks very much! I don’t think that will ever happen, sadly! 🙁 It’s kind of why I wish I didn’t work, at least that way one of us could be making the most of the time with the kids.

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