The longest day – part 2

In which me and the kids endlessly discuss and finally make it out on our walk… And the kids just keep going on and on…
Although B2 is as ever conspicuous by his absence in these exchanges.

B1: Mummy, LG says a dog ate her sandwiches in the park when I was on camp?
Me: Yes, it did.
B1: Why?
Me: The sandwiches were on the field and we left them to get the Aerobie out of a tree and a dog ate them.
B1: What did you say to the owner?
Me: Nothing really. What could I say?
B1: Your dog just ate our sandwiches and you have to pay us a million pounds.

LG: Is 3 1/4 more than 3 1/2?
Me: No, it’s less.
LG: What does less mean?
Me: Not as much.

LG: Mummy, why can’t you say Ni Hai Kai Lon? (I think I’ve got this right – it’s a kids’ TV programme)
Me: Why can’t I say it? I don’t know.
LG: How do you say it?
Me: Ni Hai Kai Lon?
LG: Oh, you can say it now.

LG: Mummy, what do you need to wear when you’re going for a walk?
Me: Maybe shorts and Tshirt? Do you want to go and choose some?
LG: Am I allowed my England? (Tshirt)
Me: Of course you are.
LG: But Daddy says I’m not.
Me: Of course you are.

LG: What about this, Mummy? This is even harder. (Crazy exercising)
Me: Be careful.
LG: Make-ed me get a stitch.

LG: Mummy, will we go to the park with her in the school holiday?
Me: Yes, next week.

LG: How did you know to take me only to nursery?
Me: To the party? I asked.
LG: Who did you ask, Mummy? Charlotte Smith’s mummy?
Me: No, the ladies.

LG: I like this.
Me: Well it’s not the sort of thing I can wear to go for a walk.
LG: Why?
Me: It’s too warm for dresses.
LG: What about this?
Me: It’s a work top.
LG: What about your pyjama top?

Me: You can put these in my washing basket, LG.
LG: Why?
Me: To save going downstairs.
LG: To save what?
Me: To save going downstairs.
LG: To save time?
Me: Yes.

Is your head done in yet? We’re not even fully dressed and I already feel like I have been beaten around the head by a big stick.

LG: Mummy, how do you do bows when you’re tying?
Me: It’s hard to explain, sweetheart.

LG: Mummy, can we go to the opticians’ late? And if we do, can we have McDonalds for tea?
Me: No.
LG: Why?
Me: Because we’re going to Grandma’s for tea and you’re not allowed McDonalds anyway.

B2: Mummy, do you know where I spotted Khazi crab? (I may have spelt that wrong, it’s probably a Club Penguin thing)
Me: No.
B2: I spotted him in the cave.

LG: Did the alarm clock wake up you and Daddy?
Me: No.
LG: Why?
Me: Because it wasn’t set.

Me: I need to go on the internet for a minute.
B1: What do you want to do?
Me: I want to do what I want to do, it’s none of your business.

LG: Mummy, is that lipstick?
Me: No, it’s nail varnish.

LG: What shoes do we need for going a walk?
Me: Probably Crocs.
LG: Probably wellies.

LG: Can we bring my nursery hat, if it gets sunny?
Me: I suppose so.

B1: Do we have to go to Sainsbury’s?
Me: Yes, it’s a nice walk and then you get a treat at Sainsbury’s.
B1: Well, you come out and you could go to McDonalds or anywhere.
Me: We’re not going to McDonalds.
B1: What’s our treat at Sainsbury’s?
Me: A biscuit or something.

B2: Can I have something to keep me going?
Me: No, we’re going to get something on our walk, aren’t we?
B1: Can we have some sweets?
Me: No.

B1: How long will that walk be? About 5 miles?
Me: No, about two.
LG: We went before and you loved it. Didn’t he?
Me: Yes.
B1: When did you go on that walk before?
Me: Last Tuesday.

LG: Why aren’t we going this way to it?
Me: Because it’s this way.

LG: Why is it Coco Pops in my wellies?
Me: Someone must have dropped them in there.

LG: Mummy, I don’t know why there’s that gate there?
Me: Nor do I.
LG: Why is it there?
Me: I don’t know.

B1: Why can’t I have a star for helping LG with her tea?
Me: Because that’s not what the star is for.

LG: How big are babies?
Me: Pretty small.
LG: This big?

LG: Mummy, do you know what they’re doing?
Me: I don’t know.

B1: Where’s Stella’s allotment?
Me: Just down there somewhere.
LG: What’s an allotment?
Me: It’s where people grow vegetables?
B1: Can we get an allotment?
Me: I don’t think we’d use it.
LG: Which one’s Stella’s?
Me: I don’t know!

Author: Sarah Mummy

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