The longest day – part 1

Parenting is relentless. The kids never shut up. One day this time last year I decided to prove to myself (and the rest of the world) just how relentless.
Picture the scene. It’s the school holidays and it’s just me and the three kids, who were then aged 9, 6 3/4 and 4 1/4. I wrote down everything they asked me in a day. Their questions were variously cute, funny and downright irritating.
The only questions I ignored were the ones which related to why Mummy had a notebook and kept writing. Inevitably, looking back at that notebook, there one or two nuggets of hilarity which I’m just not able to read. My handwriting is rubbish at the best of times, but is worse when I am following the kids round with a notebook balanced on my knee.
They ask each other questions too, but I didn’t write those down. I would definitely need shorthand and I would never have time to make the tea! There is also plenty of other conversation between the questions, so the volume in our house can get quite incredible.
The kids get up pretty late – between 7.45 and 8. B1 is up first. His first utterance is a question. It doesn’t stop from there.

B1: Daddy here?
Me: No, gone to work.

LG doesn’t even bother getting up before she starts.
LG: When Daddy went to work he said he would wake me.
Me: He tried, you were fast asleep.
LG: Why?
M: You were fast asleep.

And the next time B1 speaks – another question.
B1: Why does Alfred and Hilda use their garage to keep their car in?
Me: I don’t know, because they keep it nice and tidy, I suppose.
B1: Not like us?
Me: No, not like us.

B1: Are English and American bodies made differently inside?
Me: No.
B1: So why don’t Chinese get bad gas when they eat insects?
(Apparently this relates to The Karate Kid)

And there’s more…
B1: Why is the kick better this time?
Me: I haven’t seen the film.
B1: But why did Daddy say the kick was better?
Me: I don’t know, I haven’t seen the film.
B1: Can I see the other film?
Me: I suppose so.
B1: Does it look the same?
Me: I don’t know.

B1: Did you know a very interesting fact, Anthony has got a white mum?
Me: I know, that’s often the case.
B1: Why?
Me: A white mum and a black dad means children are often light brown.
B1: What about the other way round, a black mum and a white dad?
Me: Just the same.

B1: What are we going to do today?
Me: I don’t know.
B1: Just hang around the house?
Me: We’ll find something to do.
B1: What’s for lunch? (He’s still eating breakfast and his brother isn’t even up!)

LG: Did we wake him up?
Me: Maybe, don’t disturb him.

B2: How many stars did I get yesterday?
Me: You got two, so you did very well. I think Grandma might have even given you an extra one.
B1: Why?
Me: Because you were both very good.

B1: How much did these Puffles cost?
Me: About £6.

B1: Mummy, I’ve eaten my breakfast, so I might just as well have my star, mightn’t I?
Me: I don’t think so, they’re still eating theirs and you might wind them up.

LG: If Poppy runs away we will have to catch her because they’re on holiday.
Me: Well I think Poppy’s gone on holiday too.
LG: Why?
Me: Because you can’t leave dogs on their own.
LG: Why?
B2: Because they’ll be dead when you get back.

B1: Mummy, would you like to have an interesting fact?
Me: Go on then.
B1: Edward doesn’t like bacon.

B1: Can I have my star now?
Me: Just wait until the other two are finished.

B1: Hello, what are you doing?
Me: Throwing away black bananas because they’re too black even for you.
B1: Can I have my star now?
Me: Wait a minute!
B1: Can I have my South Africa stickers now?
Me: No, you’re not at 20 stars yet, are you?

B1: Can we go on Club Penguin now?
Me: Just for a short while because when I’ve done my jobs we’re going for a walk.
B1: Where?
Me: I don’t know.
LG: Mummy, this time will they have to agree where we go?
Me: Well I’m going to choose this time.
LG: And what will you say?
Me: I don’t know.
LG: Where are we going for a walk?
Me: Maybe over the fields?
B1: Not the one down to Sainsbury’s, though?
LG: Just to Harry’s house?
Me: I will decide in a little while.
LG: And then you’ll tell me?
Me: Yes, now let me get on with my jobs.

And they’ve only just finished their breakfast! They go on asking questions until after they’ve gone to bed. To be continued…..

Author: Sarah Mummy

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