Over it
After 22 years as a parent, I realised the other day that I really am over giving my kids a lift. One day in the school holidays I gave both boys a lift and my daughter two lifts. Three out of four of these were during my working day. And that is both disruptive and stressful.
I love my kids to bits and will do anything for them, but I can’t keep giving them lifts when I’m supposed to be working! Both of my boys can drive, but neither of them have cars. They’re not currently insured on my car, as the cost of insuring more than one young person is ridiculous (the cost of insuring even one is ridiculous, to be honest). They have both had their time of driving my car, but now my daughter is insured as she is learning.
I don’t mind the regular lifts in the evening, because they’re routine and not disruptive. My daughter still has dance classes three days a week. Although my husband has recently started training with an athletics club one evening a week and I would like to go. But I can’t because I have to drive my daughter to ballet. I’ve told myself it’s fine. My daughter only has one year left of dance lessons before she goes to university and I’m not going to wish that time away. I know how hard it is when a child goes away to uni. In reality, once she passes her test, she will drive herself to dance lessons. She will probably even give her brothers lifts!
There are times when giving teenagers lifts is a privilege. It is a great time to chat to them. I drove my younger son to school from year 7 until he passed his test at the end of year 12 (the other kids were/ are at different schools and have always got the school bus). I will always value that extra time I had with him every day. Recently I drove him to Telford for an athletics competition (a fairly long way away from Gloucestershire for someone who doesn’t like driving). It was really nice to have that time in the car, just the two of us. Especially as he didn’t properly come home for the summer until the end of July. (His exams finished on 31st May.)
There are aspects of parenting that people always say ‘you’ll miss it when it’s gone’. There are some that I do miss. I used to hate the morning rush of trying to get three teenagers out of bed and out of the house for school. I don’t miss that at all. It’s so much easier now I’ve just got one.
And I’m pretty sure I won’t miss the lifts disrupting my working day. The assumption that I can suddenly magic an extra half an hour out of nowhere to drive through endless temporary traffic lights to deliver my kids to wherever they need to be. For at least one of them, zero thought has gone into whether it is possible or convenient for me to do it. It is just expected. And the only way for me to do it is to either skip running or get up early. I don’t skip running, so in that particularly bad week when I realised I was over it I got up at 5.30 twice and 5.45 three times.
I’m not a bad parent. I actually think I’m a pretty good parent. But you can see why I’m over it.
Nice how you have given them all a turn at using your car as they have got older.
Can’t say I blame you. Was never a problem for me, I didn’t pass my test until my early 40s and they were so used to us not having a car it wasn’t a problem. They walked or cycled everywhere they wanted as kids. But then we always lived with good public transport systems.
Did play taxi driver for DD1 when she moved back in with two children and the youngest,Bob, had masses of medical issues and needed regular hospital appointments. DD1 did not drive and we lived rural and for her to use public transport was a 6 hr round trip, 15 mins in the car was easier. I put my live on hold for them for nearly a year and would do it again.
Thank you! We don’t have good public transport – in fact a lot of the lifts I give them are to get to public transport!
I can totally understand why you did that for DD1 and Bob. I know I would do the same for my kids and any future grandchildren. But if it’s just a lift to meet friends etc, I’m ready to give that up now.
I think this is one of the reasons that I am glad that I don’t drive so I don’t have to taxi the kids around. I can see why you are over it. x
Thank you! I’m not keen on driving, but a lot of the time it is useful. But I do sometimes wish the kids could be a bit more independent! x
I’m sure it’ll be the same here as it’s too far without pavements to get the bus, if there’s even a bus. Thankfully I’ll be assuming he’ll have a car fairly soon after passing his test, if not before. Although then there’s the worry of who he’s driving around and how safe he’ll be. Although I will be sad losing that time to chat. Now we chat before bed, but it won’t be long before he doesn’t want me in his room saying goodnight, so the car will be the likely option left
There are definitely benefits of driving kids around, but it’s also nice when you don’t have to do it any more! Both of my boys passed their tests before their friends and I never worried about them too much – even when they were driving other people. My daughter was recently driven by her best friend and I did worry a bit, because it’s not an experience I had to go through with the boys.
I totally get it. My kids are much younger but I’m very glad we live close enough to town that they’ll be able to take themselves places when they’re old enough to do so. I’m also totally over taking them to school sports fixtures for their primary school, sometimes during school hours and always during my work hours. School will not take them – they actually refuse to unless parents organise at least 2 children who need a lift and then only under threat of not having a team. They genuinely expect working parents to take time off to pick up our children and take them to another school, stay, and then fetch them home. If staff can’t arrange their own childcare to allow them to fulfill their role as sports coordinator then they shouldn’t have that position. My parents were both teachers and my brother and I spent long after school hours at child minders while they did sports or music activities with the kids they taught. Our school just has no consideration for working parents, I’m very much over helping them to discriminate against kids with 2 working parents.
That is very annoying! Schools do tend to assume parents can always drop everything for school-related stuff. My kids didn’t do much sport at primary school, so I can’t actually remember whether we were expected to transport the kids. You’ll be pleased to know that it isn’t expected at secondary school though!