Being kind to myself

It’s silly, I know, but when I took my first dose of antibiotic (Metronidazole) for my fast-deteriorating skin, I panicked a bit. I was frightened. Frightened of feeling sick and drained on the antibiotics and frightened of how bad my skin could get.

My reflection was the reflection I’d stared at all last summer – bright red skin with the texture of sandpaper. Not a good look in anyone’s book. And I knew it could get much, much worse.

I felt trapped by the antibiotics. I didn’t want to feel sick. I didn’t want to feel weak. And I didn’t want to take them. But the alternative was worse – I couldn’t go back to looking how I looked last spring, nor to the long healing process which took me right into the winter.

The tablets gave me precisely one dose of grace before I started to feel rough. After two doses, I had a horrible taste in my mouth. I felt queasy and I felt weak. My limbs were too heavy.

Antibiotics, Spots, Acne, Rosacea, 365

And I felt depressed. Overwhelmed with sadness. I was ready to burst into tears at any second. I felt lonely and in need of company, but scared to see anyone in case I cried.

Having no work made things worse. I had nothing to do but reflect on bad I was feeling, physically and mentally.

The only person I wanted to see was my husband. And he was in London.

He’s not usually sensitive to the slightly low moods which I live with most of the time, but even over the phone he could tell I was much worse.

So he told me to go to the cinema. And I went. The film was a distraction and, in the dark, nobody could see if I cried. If I cried a bit more at the film than I might do otherwise, it didn’t matter. It was the best thing I could have done.

And I realised what I needed to do was just be kind to myself and get through the week. It didn’t matter if I had no work and earned no money. All that mattered was that I looked after myself and gave myself time to heal. The antibiotics would heal my skin and, when I came off them, I would feel well again, mentally and physically. I just had to get through it.

If I needed to eat more to take the taste away, I would. If I needed to go out for walks on my own to get away from the house, I would. If I needed to read a book instead of do the housework, I would.

It’s only skin and it’s only antibiotics that make me feel sick. I know it’s not life-threatening. I know thousands and thousands of people are dealing with things infinitely worse every day of their lives. But for me, for a few days, it was my battle and I had to get through it as best I could.

Author: Sarah Mummy

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17 Comments

  1. How are you feeling? Your so right to give yourself the time to get through this and be kind. It’s hard going through what your going through. Sending you massive hugs and good thoughts xxx

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    • Thanks very much! Well, I’m pleased to say I’m off them now, but it took me another four days to feel normal. On the plus side, my skin is looking OK now! x

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    • Thanks very much! It wasn’t pleasant, but I got through it and at least it had the desired effect on my skin! x

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  2. I hope things are getting a bit easier now. I’m terrible at being kind to myself but it’s important. I also think that just because your battle might not be as serious as somebody else’s, it doesn’t make it any easier to cope with for you.
    Nat.x

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    • Thanks very much! It is hard to be kind to yourself, because there’s always other people to think about and other demands on your time. x

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  3. So glad you’re feeling better. Wish I lived closer then we could have met up. It’s hard when you’re already going through something tougher and harder when you have time to dwell on it by yourself. Hope it’s a much better week for you x

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    • Thanks very much. We will have to work out a way to meet up one day! It took another four days after I came off them to feel better, but I’m feeling normal now and, most importantly, my skin is looking normal too! x

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  4. Well done hon for getting through such a tough week. Make sure you take some time for you x

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    • Thanks very much. It feels strange to take some time for me, but it was definitely the right thing to do. x

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  5. I’m glad that things are getting better as you state in replies to other comments. It must be really hard for you and being kind to yourself is the best thing you could do. I hope you continue to improve and feel much better x

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    • Thanks very much. I feel a lot better now and I’m pleased to say the antibiotics did their job! It wasn’t fun, but at least it worked. x

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  6. What a tough time for you lovely. I hope you are feeling better xxx

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    • Thank you. I’m feeling a lot better now! It took another three or four days after I came off the antibiotics for the side-effects to go, but they’ve definitely gone now! x

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  7. That sounds so tough and glad you were able to be kind to yourself. Going to the cinema sounds like it was a very good plan. Hope your skin is now improving and you are feel much better.

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    • Thanks very much! My skin is clear again and I’m feeling totally better. I can thoroughly recommend a solo trip to the cinema for taking your mind off things!

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  8. I am so glad you went to the cinema Sarah. We all need a little us time away from the house, blogging, work, kids, health problems etc. I am so pleased that your skin is getting better (I hope it still is as I realise I am really late in replying to this post). My husband loves going to the cinema by himself, and think he would do this every week x

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