I haven’t blogged about my Roaccutane journey for a while now. That’s because it’s been going (whisper) quite well. People who haven’t seen me for a while are in awe of how good my skin is looking and I’ve had lots of compliments, which I’ve really appreciated.
I have NORMAL skin.
If you’ve always had normal skin, you won’t understand what a big deal this is. But I’ve had acne since I was 12. I haven’t had normal skin since I left primary school and I’m 42 now. I never thought I would have normal skin.
Technically, I’m supposed to be off the Roaccutane now, but, don’t tell my dermatologist, I’m not quite off it yet. The plan when I last saw him was two more months of every day, taking me up to Christmas, followed by a month of every other day and a month of one a week and then OFF! That all seemed a bit sudden to me. So I quietly decided to add a couple more months of my own in there – a month of twice a week (which I’ve just finished), followed by two months of once a week. This is literally a handful of extra doses, but it just makes coming off them a bit more gradual.
I noticed a couple of months ago that I have a weird texture on my forehead. This ISN’T normal skin. What I don’t know is – is it scarring from when my acne/ rosacea was so bad last year, is it part of the healing process or had it got better, then got worse again? I was so intent on looking at actual spots (and I still usually had two or three at a time as recently as last October) that I probably wouldn’t have noticed a few months if my forehead had a weird texture. And I don’t think I have any clear enough photos from the last few months for me to metaphorically say whether my forehead was weird or not.
Then, one evening I noticed a spot on my forehead. When I got up the following morning, I had three spots on my forehead and one on my chin. Yes, they were small, but I was scared. When my skin went badly wrong before it started off with just a couple of spots and then it snowballed out of control.
I have a six month open appointment with the dermatologist, so I decided to cash that in. I was initially offered one in two months, which was then brought forward by three weeks because I was willing to attend a different hospital. That’s a long time to wait when you’re worrying.
I really don’t think I can bear to go through that again. It took months to recover from it. When I look back on photos now, I’m amazed that I was even able to face the world.
I hope I’m worrying about nothing, that the spots were just a blip. I seem to have a fair amount of Roaccutane left in the cupboard. There’s a temptation to quietly up my dose again, but I know I can’t stay on it forever.
Sometimes I wish I’d never started on this journey. Sometimes I wish I’d carried on living with the spots I’d already lived with for nearly 30 years.