Things they don’t tell you…

When I was 19, I had my nose pierced. My mum and dad were disappointed for about 30 seconds and then they were fine with it. To such an extent that my dad would stand at the chopping board in the kitchen chopping the ends off my nose studs with a knife to make them more comfortable.

“When you sign up to be a parent, they don’t tell you that 19 years later you’ll be chopping up nose rings,” he said.

Well, here’s some more things they don’t tell you… (And I’m not talking weaning, potty training, sleepless nightsย and projectile vomiting, because, actually, they do tell you about those.)

That after doing your main weekly hoovering on a Friday, you will have to hoover again on Saturday and Sunday because the familyย brings half a football pitch into the house on Saturday and half a rugby pitch on Sunday.

That you have to wash gum shields.

That you have to wash up a muddy, mouldy, mossy (?) seaside bucket because your daughter needs it for ballet class.

That somewhere along the line someone would decide it would be a good idea to store the hoover in the airing cupboard. Underneath half the world’s supply of football and rugby boots.

That you would become frightened of foreign travel because your children won’t eat abroad. Or even drink.

That 15 seconds after telling your 11 year old son to do something that is ‘not dangerous, stupid or irritating’ you would find him scraping away at a golf tee. With a pen-knife. In his lap.

That you would ever have a need for the phrase ‘why is there a little torch on a shoelace in the middle of the kitchen floor?’.

So what have you found out about parenting that they didn’t tell you?

Author: Sarah Mummy

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25 Comments

  1. How funny, I have a very similar post half written in my drafts! Will link to this if I ever get around to finishing it! Great post ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. Gosh, where do I start?!! You’re so right there are so many things I couldn’t have imagined being faced with as a parent ( like having to say “Girls, DON’T milk your brother!” Yes… A game they invented in the bath), but there are also a few light bulbs moments thinking ‘That’s what my parents were on about!’
    Great post!

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  3. Thanks very much, everyone ๐Ÿ™‚
    I actually had this one drafted for about three months, Suzanne, but had to wait until there were enough weird/ irritating things happening to make a whole blogpost!
    MG, I am concerned as to what your girls were milking. Perhaps I’d better not ask. Or imagine.

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  4. You are so right. I love it’s randomness

    -the40yearold

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  5. I loved your dads comment, I could just imagine me saying that to my kids very soon.

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  6. this made me chuckle Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

    “because i say so” is our family mantra followed by said child ignoring what was asked of them! … kids! x

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  7. Ahh your dad sounds lovely!! This is so true – I realised recently how I have to spend time with ladies I don’t particularly like because my son gets on with their toddlers. Compromise eh? ๐Ÿ™‚

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  8. Oh gosh Sarah this is all so true, I’m learning. Your comment about your dad chopping the end off your nose-studs reminds me of getting my dad to help me wax my legs, when I wanted to try that out at the ripe old age of 19! And he did! Bless him. Although, I never did ask him again…xx

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  9. Bless my dad! Thank you all for your comments, everyone ๐Ÿ™‚ I once got my husband to wax mine, Dragonsfly. I can’t imagine many dads doing that!
    Wouldn’t like spending time with people I don’t much like, Tas! Very impressed with you there!

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  10. Haha this made me smile, yes I remember asking for help with some quite random things. The things we do for them! Great post xx

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  11. Thanks very much. These randonw things seem pretty important when you’re a kid, don’t they?! x

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  12. Hehe! what a great post! I’d add – that the week before any appointment with the health visitor your toddler will get a huge lump on their head, bruise or black eye. And that you’ll consider having tea in the restaurant at Tesco’s as ‘going out for dinner’ ๐Ÿ˜€

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  13. Oh yes, we’ve been there with the accident one far too many times than I’d care to remembe, Lou! With you on the supermarket cafe too! We’ve just had an upmarket supermarket open near us, so it does seem a bit more like going out for dinner – and the food is better quality! Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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  14. That I say EXACTLY what my Mum used to – despite saying I never would!! I’m so with you on the hoovering remark and we don’t even have a football pitch being brought in!! Thanks for linking to PoCoLo lovely Sarah xx

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  15. Yep, I say the same things my mum did too, Tori… Don’t appreciate what you’ve got, you’re very lucky, blah, blah, kids these days…
    It’s a pleasure to join in with PoCoLo, thanks for commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

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  16. Definitely! Thanks very much for commenting, Daisy, really appreciate it ๐Ÿ™‚

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  17. Great post Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚ They don’t tell you that your daughter will turn out just like you and if she wants something now she throws a tantrum just like I would ha. They dont tell you that when they grow up you still worry about them even at nearly 19 !!

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  18. Ha! I think my eldest is most like me in a lot of ways – we are the most likely to throw a tantrum! My daughter goes grumpy and my younger son goes stubborn! I can well believe you still worry about them when they’re nearly 19. And no doubt when they’re 39 and 59 too! Thanks very much for commenting.

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  19. That swinging shop advert boards are child sized cat flaps making it take hours longer to walk past a parade of shops

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