Scream and shout

Sometimes I get down. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I scream and shout and cry. Sometimes I feel down and depressed.

I wish I didn’t get like this, but I do. Not often, just sometimes. It’s normal for me and for a lot of other people too. It’s probably a mild form of depression. And I’ve read enough written by people who are properly depressed to realise that it really is a mild form.

So it’s normal. Nothing to write home about. But it’s not normal in our family. The adults in our family don’t scream and shout and cry and throw things. My behaviour isn’t normal and I shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to do it, but it’s how I deal with things that upset me. The adults in my family don’t think I should behave like this because nobody else does. They don’t think it’s normal, something to be ashamed of to raise your voice.

My husband says I shouldn’t do it in front of the kids, that I will damage them. This is something which happens maybe once every six months. It makes them cry to see me crying and I hate that. I don’t want to damage them or hurt them or upset them. But I don’t think it does any harm to see that adults have emotions too, that adults get hurt too. Plenty of children see things worse every day than a parent in tears once every few months.

I think three times in the last couple of years it’s got all too much. I think it was a panic attack. When everything got so overwhelming I literally couldn’t calm myself down. I was out of control and frightened. When this has happened it’s frightened the person who had upset me and they’ve stopped having a go at me and started to calm me down. (I’d like to say at this point that this has always been adults, not the kids.)

And then when I’m calm, it’s all forgotten. We don’t talk about it again. They pretend they haven’t seen me like that.

And next time, I get upset they tell me to calm down, not to over-react and not to embarrass myself. But really they mean themselves. Because I’m not embarrassed to have emotions. I’m not embarrassed that I get hurt and upset. It’s just a part of life.

Author: Sarah Mummy

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12 Comments

  1. Amen. I could have written a very similar post this week myself. It scares them, the oldest one especially, but then, like you say, I think it’s good to see that from time-to-time, things take their toll and they need to help out in some way to stop it happening so often.

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  2. I don’t know if my comment came through, phone was playing up. Most parenting classes you go to will tell you it’s good for our children to see our emotions, it shows them it’s ok. The stiff upper lip is outdated, let it out, day to day you will cope much better. My children have seen my happy and sad tears, it makes them more rounded and understanding xx

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  3. Thanks very much, ladies. Glad to know I’m not the only one and you agree it’s OK for kids to see us like this sometimes. My kids get a bit scared too, Joanne, which is sad, but they do try to be caring and understanding, which is lovely.

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  4. I totally agree with you, I think it’s great for children to realise that parents are human too and have feelings and emotions. I think it helps children to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them, which is essential for later life.

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  5. I think it is only right for children to see their parents expressing their emotions. What are we teaching them if we don’t? That you have bottle things up? That your feelings aren’t valid? That your emotions aren’t valuable? So I think it is just right how you handled things. Someone once told me that as long as the children know they aren’t to blame for how you feel – that their instinctive reaction is to blame themselves – so as long as you reassure them afterwards, if not at the time, that it isn’t because of them, then it is perfectly healthy every now and then for them to see you are human after all. Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope you are feeling a bit better today xx

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  6. Thanks very much, ladies. I’m feeling a lot better now! It seems like the adults in my family don’t agree with expressing emotion and maybe that’s why I now sometimes have difficulty dealing with it? I do get cross with the kids, of course. But proper, genuine overwhelming upset is only ever caused by adults and I always reassure the kids it’s not their fault. X

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  7. I could have written this, we are human and our children need to see that. x

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  8. My 6 year old has seen me shout, cry and scream. I reassure her that it’s not her fault and she realises that mummies are human too. Far better than bottling it all up. Hope you felt better for letting it all out.

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  9. Thanks very much, ladies. I wish the other adults in my family would realise it’s normal too. The situation arose again a little bit today, so I’m feeling down about it all again. In two minds whether to blog about it, but probably best I don’t 🙁

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  10. Hard thing to write about but I think shielding your littles from emotions can be worse. It’s not like you are doing it all the time, they need to know that it’s ok to cry. Hope it made you feel better

    Cx

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  11. Thanks very much, Clare. I’m not sure if the screaming and shouting made me feel better, but it was something I had to do! X

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  12. So glad to know it’s not just me. This was like reading a diary excerpt from my own life!

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