The new school: Catty behaviour

Everybody says it. Girls are catty. Girls are nasty. But I’d never seen it myself. I know some girls struggle with other girls being nasty from as young as 6 or 7, but my daughter has never experienced it. I like to think it’s because she’s so nice, but I know the reality is that she’s just lucky. She’s never been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Never had that face that someone has taken a dislike to for no apparent reason.

But I don’t kid myself that it won’t happen one day. She’s at a girls’ school, for goodness’ sake! Is sending my daughter to a girls’ school like sending a lamb to slaughter?

The first few weeks of school have been overwhelmingly positive. I couldn’t wish for more. She’s made a good group of friends and she’s doing well academically. She’s very happy at her new school.

But, just after half-term, I heard the first couple of stories. Silly stories of silly girls. Things that made me roll my eyes and say ‘Ah! That’s the catty behaviour people were talking about… ‘.

First there was the story of the Instagram fan account. Teenagers love Instagram. LOVE it. They don’t use it to share carefully thought-out photographs like adults do. They use it mainly as a way to communicate with each other. And they’re never off it.

Someone in year 8 had set up an Instagram fan account for one of the teachers. Clearly this is all wrong on many levels. One of my daughter’s friends mentioned in passing to the teacher that were was a fan account of her. The teacher was calm about it, but no doubt there was then lots of work behind the scene to track the account down and get it removed.

The year 8 girls were on the lookout for whoever had ‘grassed them up’. This girl, who was friends with them, hadn’t grassed them up. She’d mentioned it to the teacher innocently because she thought it was a nice thing. Needless to say, her name is now mud in year 8 and those girls aren’t her friends any more.

The other story is rather closer to home.

My daughter made friends with a large group of girls very quickly. We are both realistic enough to realise that they won’t all be her friends all the way through school. As kids get to know each other, they find they might not have as much in common as they first thought, they start to drift apart…

One of them has already done that. But she’s not drifted so much as thrown their friendship back in their faces. She has taken her new friends to hang out in the place where she had hung out with my daughter and her friends at lunchtime. Not to hang out with them, but to nick their space.

And she’s said ‘These are my NEW FRIENDS’ to her old friends in a sneering voice, while making an L sign on her head with her hand.

If that’s the sort of friend she is, my daughter is well rid of her. So now I know that catty behaviour really does exist and it’s not even Christmas in year 7.

I hope it’s not the case, but I suspect there’s going to be a lot more nastiness to endure over the coming years.

School, Secondary school, New school, Catty behaviour, Girls' school

Author: Sarah Mummy

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14 Comments

  1. Girls can be so nasty and catty! I have seen it lots with my girls and their so called friends.
    The best advice you can give to your girl is just stay out of any of the backbiting and nastiness. x

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    • Thanks very much. I know I’ve read on your blog about how nasty kids have been to your girls. It makes me so angry that kids could do that. We’ve advised my daughter to stay out of it. She wants no part in it. She hates to see people being unkind and can’t understand why anyone would do it. X

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  2. Oh man, I have horrid memories of being at an all girls school, the drama is unreal, especially when they start to notice boys and fashion. It sounds like your girl has a good head on her shoulders, whilst she wont be able to avoid the drama completely, hopefully she will be able to brush it off and make the most of her schooling.

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    • Sorry to hear you have such bad memories. Thanks, I think my daughter can rise above it as she hates to see nastiness and doesn’t understand why anyone would do it.

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  3. I know this feeling all too well and can so relate to this post!

    I remember when my eldest daughter started Year 7, it was an absolute nightmare. The girls were shocking, as her mother I struggled with it massively. Luckily, it all died a death once everyone had found their feet and preferred friendship circle. I have always said that I dont think my daughter has made lifelong friends like I did at school but I may be wrong. She went on to enjoy school (as much as they do) and is still at the same school but now in 6th form.

    My youngest daughter is currently in Year 7 and so far, fingers crossed all is well.

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    • Glad all is going well for your youngest daughter in Year 7 and sorry to hear it was so awful for your eldest. My daughter has a lovely group of friends, but I fear the groups might be a little too defined and kids don’t feel that they can be friends with people from other groups. Will be interesting to see how it evolves.

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  4. Oh I’m so sorry to read this, your daughter sounds so lovely it would be wonderful if she could avoid behaviour like this. But I suppose it builds them up for encountering it later in life, much as it is awful to see now. Libby has already encountered a little bit of it and it’s so sad but I do hope that it teaches her both how to deal with it and how hurtful it is so she is never the perpetrator.
    Nat.x

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    • So sorry to hear that Libby has encountered some of this already. My daughter must be very lucky to have avoided it for so long. I’m grateful that none of this nonsense has been aimed at her, but no doubt it will happen at some point. She just can’t understand why anyone would be nasty.

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  5. Girls can be so nasty and horrible. I wish people could see how much their comments, remarks and the way they say things affects and hurts others. I’m sorry to hear your little superstar is having to go through this. I hope it all ends soon. Sending love and hugs x

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    • Thanks very much! None of it has been aimed at her, but she’s just surprised to hear it as she’s never come across anything like this before. She just doesn’t understand why people would be nasty as she has such a kind heart herself. X

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  6. Your daughter sounds a lovely girl and it must have been horrible to be surrounded by catty and nasty behaviour. Hopefully it has all blown over. I think sometimes it’s down to kids finding their feet when they reach high school. Thankfully Katie has not come across anything yet, but I am well aware she might have catty behaviour to deal with at some point x

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    • Fingers crossed it continues for Katie! I’m pleased that the behaviour hasn’t been aimed at my daughter (long may it continue!). I’ve heard a couple of other stories even since this – girls thinking that someone had done something when they hadn’t… The usual nonsense. Hopefully it will settle as they all find who their real friends are. x

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  7. You know I didn’t experience that much of it at an all girls school (in fact I had more problems the one term I was at a mixed school), but obviously it does go on. I love Instagram for me, but it seems to cause so many problems for school children. Hope there’s not too much cattiness in the future.

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    • That’s good to hear you didn’t have any problems at a girls’ school. I still think my daughter is in the right place. She absolutely loves it there and has made so many friends. I’m pleased that none of this nonsense has been aimed at her and hope it continues that way. I’m also hoping it will calm down as the girls settle and find their true friends.

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