In the two and a bit years that I’ve been working at home I’ve realised the doorbell rings an awful lot in the daytime. Sometimes, they use the knocker too. Just in case I’m deaf. Well, I soon will be if they bang the flipping knocker as hard as that.
All those important people I would have missed if I was sat in an office working. Except I wouldn’t have missed them. Because they’re not important.
Frankly, they’re an irritant.
Do they ring every doorbell every day, in the vain hope of finding some poor unsuspecting sucker inside? Or do they target my house in particular? Do they think they’re going to find a vulnerable old person inside who will agree to whatever shoddy service or product they’re offering?
Do I want my drive done?
What about my patio?
Do I need new windows?
What about that one over there that’s condensated?
What about fascia boards? (I don’t even know what the flip fascia boards are and I certainly don’t know if we have any.)
Do I want my trees pruning? (We do have a couple of large trees on our garden, that’s not a euphemism.)
Well should he just give me a quote anyway?
Should he come back next year in case I want it done then?
Do I want my gutters clearing? (Again, I’m fairly sure that’s not a euphemism.)
Do I want to sell my car that never moves?
Do I want to buy some dusters or a towel to dry pets from someone recently released from prison? (OK, so I did agree to that one.)
No, no and NO!
We do a lot of stuff ourselves (and by ‘ourselves’, clearly I mean ‘my husband does a lot of stuff’ because I am thoroughly inept at everything) and if we’re not doing it ourselves we use someone we’ve used before or someone who has been recommended by somebody we trust. We’re not going to use anyone who swaggers up the drive in a branded polo shirt and shoves a load of leaflets in my face.
Does anyone actually buy services from these people? I do feel sorry for older people because they can be quite persistent.
And when I’ve finally cleared the shoddy tradespeople off my drive, the doorbell rings again.
It’s a delivery. Again.
Not for me, of course. For my neighbour. Who gets approximately 10 times as many parcels as me and never seems to be at home to collect them.
I should just give up answering the door altogether. I never actually missed anything important when I was at work, so why would it be any different now?
Except you just know that the one time I don’t answer the door, it WILL be something important.