Not spending money (on myself)

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled to spend money on myself. I just don’t seem to be able to justify it.

We’re not poor by any stretch of the imagination – we live in a five bedroomed house, we have two cars (oldish ones) and our kids do lots of activities. But five people and lots of activities add up and there never seems to be an awful lot left at the end of the month. So I do that typical mum thing and put myself last.

I’m always horrified when I see women endlessly posting new shoes on social media. I know, it’s totally their own choice. But I don’t get how they can afford it or justify it. Because I certainly can’t!

I realise I never buy myself anything and now I’ve left it too long and I need a lot of stuff. I get Superdry Tshirts and hoodies for my birthday and Christmas. I also get a Superdry Tshirt every Mother’s Day, wedding anniversary and Valentine’s Day. It means I never have to buy them. The last thing I bought for myself was a pair of jeans last autumn and I was so embarrassed that I’d bought them (even though I needed them), that I didn’t tell my husband. I can’t remember what I bought before that. It was probably another pair of jeans a year earlier.

The last time I bought myself some shoes was my Converse, nearly three years ago. They wore out last spring and my husband bought me some Cath Kidston/ Gola trainers for our wedding anniversary last July. Now they’ve worn out too. So have my running trainers, which I got to review nearly two years ago and I’ve run over 1,000 miles in them. And my wellies, which I got for Christmas about five years ago.

My socks have all got holes in, as I didn’t get any for Christmas. I’m now throwing away a pair a week and desperately need new ones.

I’ve got two pairs of jeans with holes in (not designer holes), which I’m still wearing on weekdays. (I wear jeans seven days a week, 365 days a year.)

I’ve got a voucher and discount code I can use to replace my wellies, but I still need two pairs of trainers, not to mention the jeans and the socks!

I know I’m going to have to bite the bullet and just spend some money, but I don’t even know where to start! There’s always more important things we need to spend our money on. I know it’s silly – if the kids had holes in their trainers or jeans, I would just replace them. I’m constantly buying my eldest new socks, but I just can’t bring myself to buy them for me!

Does anyone else worry about spending money on themselves?

Not spending money, Clothes, Trainers, Holes

 

Author: Sarah Mummy

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28 Comments

  1. I used to be like that when the kids were living at home, but not as ‘holey’ since they’ve left home I’ve still been cautious making sure school bills, mortgage, rent, bills are paid first, next we tend to spend money on joint things, such as weekends away, but the last few months since returning to work, i’ve been splashing out on myself and hubby with new clothes and a couple of visits to Pandora. Wallet is now firmly shut again as I’m saving for my trip to the UK in July.

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    • It sounds like a very sensible attitude! It’s important to have decent looking clothes for work. I think part of my problem is now that I don’t have ‘work clothes’ I’m wearing my normal clothes even more and they’re wearing out quicker, but it still doesn’t feel right to replace them!

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      • I did have to buy work clothes when I returned to teaching as I only owned summer stuff for the past 5 years, I had to purchase long sleeve, loose fitting tops and loose fitting full length trousers, mmmmmmm so pretty…not. It was that or an Abaya, which I’m contemplating. Two weeks school holidays and I’ve been living in sandals, jeans and t shirts. I really don’t want to return to work clothes again.

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  2. Oh we are so similar! I never spend money on myself and I so desperately need to! There are so many clothes I need and my running shoes are literally falling apart. But other expenses are so much more important when you have a family aren’t they?
    Nat.x

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    • They certainly are! It’s good to hear I’m not the only one. Thanks. x

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  3. I’m exactly the same! Partly as I don’t have time to go shopping and hate ordering clothes over the Internet. I am fast running out of clothes. The money I have I prefer to spend on weekends away and days out xx

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    • Glad it’s not just me! I don’t have time to go shopping either. I do order some stuff for the kids from the internet, but am always mucking up by getting the wrong size etc and most of it has to go back! x

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  4. Yes I’m exactly the same! I had to replace my Converse style shoes (Sainsbury’s copy of) a couple of months back because they were literally falling apart, the soles had come off, whereas my children always seem to be getting new shoes and I’d never let them go around in shoes with holes in! My jeans (also from Sainsbury’s) are always getting holes in the knees, and I’m pretty sure I’ve also only got two pairs which are decent enough to wear out in public. But I’d rather put the money in our holiday fund, that’s where all our spare money goes!

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    • So glad it’s not just me! Although we don’t really have a holiday fund – I think our money just goes on dance lessons!

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  5. Very similar, although probably not as extreme of you. My underwear is a disgrace. I tend to be like this with household stuff too.

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    • Ha ha, strangely my underwear isn’t too bad! I have a very house-proud husband, so house stuff rarely gets in a bad state.

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  6. Yes! I always seem to buy the kids things but feel guilty when I buy something for myself….
    I actually bought a pair of jeans on Friday and felt so bad…The £20 could have been spent on the girls but on the other hand I was desperate for some jeans….

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    • It’s a weird thing, isn’t it? It sounds like you did the right thing by buying the jeans. I know I’m going to have to bite the bullet and get some soon too.

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  7. I won’t ask when the last time you bought a bra was then *hides face*. I’m similar to be honest, unless I really need it. I go on a big shop about twice a year. I could never justify a new pair of shoes every month, my feet don’t grow!

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    • My bras aren’t too bad actually – I probably replaced them 12-18 months ago! I never go on a big shop for either the kids or myself. I just buy ad-hoc when they need stuff and very, very rarely for myself!

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  8. I’m not like you in this way. If i need stuff (or just want it), I buy it although I don’t shop as much as I used to for me, and buy more for N – although less on clothes now he doesn’t need as much with school uniform.

    The OH’s more like you – his work t-shirts and socks are embarrassing, but he’ll continue wearing them until I throw them out and buy more. But his issue is more that he won’t go shopping and online clothes shopping is unheard of to him. I buy him clothes when needed, and his family buy him clothes for Christmas and birthdays

    Go and treat yourself. I’m sure after all this time you deserve to spend something on yourself, even if it is just essentials.

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    • Thanks very much! I really think I do need to bite the bullet and spend some money! I probably need to start buying stuff more regularly, so it doesn’t get in such a bad state.

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  9. I am a bit like this – my converse have holes in and I definitely need new socks too. I don’t even know why I don’t just buy some – we aren’t well off but we are not so skint I can’t afford £50 for some new shoes. I think I am turning into my Nan – £40-£50 seems like such a lot of money that I put it off for months until there is no option! Silly really – spend more than double that on food most weeks! I also think partly it is that old things are SO comfy and new ones need wearing in so I put it off for that reason too! Xx

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    • I’m so glad it’s not just me – we do sound very similar! I know what you mean about things being comfortable too – the jeans I bought last autumn still feel too stiff! I only really started to like the jeans in the photo once they’d got holes in because they had finally stopped being stiff at that point!

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  10. I’m the complete opposite and I think you may need a week with me. I’m absolutely terrible when I’m home and have a tiny bit of free time. If the shop has PayPal then I’ll forever be buying new things. But then I squirrel them away and wear the same old stuff for years and years! The other day I find 5 pairs of brand new jeans I’ve never worn!! Treat yourself…you get up at 5am, you deserve it. Yes, I am the clothes whisperer 😉

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    • Oh my goodness! I think I do need to take a leaf out of your book. Five pairs of unworn jeans! Having finally chucked the jeans in the photo, I now possess three pairs of jeans in total!

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  11. I used to be exactly the same when I had my teens but somehow when I had Harry, I changed, almost like not wanting to make the same mistakes. Now I do buy myself items of clothing regularly (ish) because it’s something I enjoy and it makes me happy. Obviously if its a tough month and kids need something then I will always put them first though X

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    • That’s interesting, it sounds like you’ve got a good attitude. I used to love buying clothes in my teens and 20s and carried on after I’d had my eldest. We struggled financially for a while after the other two, so I just stopped buying clothes for myself. I think I need to bite the bullet and buy some now though! x

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  12. I think when you’ve had and enforced period of being frugal it is easy to be like this – my husband was terrible for not replacing holey t-shirts and socks after his redundancy for a while. I have to say that while I love buying things for myself sometimes, there is always that feeling of guilt that comes with it, because the kids always need something don’t they? We are both trying to be better about treating ourselves in general at the moment and it feels like such a splurge, even though we need to replace things! So, no you definitely aren’t alone (I also think you should get yourself to a sports shop pronto for some lovely new running shoe joy!).

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  13. I do ‘treat’ myself quite a lot but I always get the guilt. I tend to grab my things from Primark or supermarket stores. The past few months I have tried to buy myself things that aren’t in the sale or that aren’t super cheap and it has made me feel a bit happier. I work two jobs with teaching and the blog so I think the odd treat is OK. But I still um and ah over it every time x

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    • You totally deserve to treat yourself! So do I really, I just can’t manage it! I earn more now as a freelancer than I did in a normal job, although some months it will be a lot more and some months it will be a bit less.
      Part of my problem is I don’t buy cheap stuff any more – I gave them up in my late 30s as they needed replacing constantly. I always buy good quality stuff but even that wears out after two years and it costs more to replace!

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  14. oh yes, I’m exactly the same, I feel so guilty. I’ve also bought myself something and not told my partner. Yet, I think nothing of buying him new clothes. Things seem to last a long time for me and I don’t throw everything out ready for the next season, some of my winter jumpers I’ve been wearing for years. My friends are always posting about new stuff they’ve brought too, but you won’t find me doing the same.

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  15. It is so hard isn’t it?? We have the same problem, the amount of things that the children always seem to need added to the cost of activities and general bills, there isn’t a lot left. I go through phases, sometimes I will treat myself but I have become a lot better at finding bargains now and I can often be found in Fatface during sale time. You do earn money though, so you should be able to treat yourself without feeling guilty.

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