As things to wake up at 4.30 worrying about go, it was pretty lame. But I couldn’t get it out of my head and it was still bugging me when I was up and properly awake. My daughter has her Grade 2 Modern exam coming up and I’d promised her teacher faithfully she would practise at home. But the only thing we have to play a CD on is my husband’s computer.
I use a Macbook Air (which you can’t put a CD in), my desktop computer’s speakers are missing and my younger son’s laptop has stopped working. My husband tells me I could play it in the DVD player, but to make the DVD player work, we need to unplug the Virgin box. If you think I know how to unplug a Virgin box and plug a DVD player in, you don’t know me well enough. I’m rubbish at anything like that. There are two people in this house who can perform this tricky manoeuvre – my husband and my younger son. But are they ever around and listening to us and willing to help when my daughter needs to practise dance? If you think they are, you are obviously luckier with the menfolk in your house than I am.
Which brings me back to my husband’s work computer. It is usually at work with my husband. When it’s at home, my husband is still working on it. On the rare occasions when he isn’t working on it, he (understandably) doesn’t want anyone touching it.
Which leaves me with the dilemma that woke my up at 4.30am. I’m juggling so many balls right now and I spend my life worrying that I’m going to forget something. I’m trying to stay in control of it all, but sometimes it feels like it’s slipping through my fingers.
Then someone tweeted me and told me they’d got their kids a cheap CD player from Argos. And I remembered a recent conversation with a friend who told me how you could spend your Nectar points at Argos. Result! So I got a CD player. I didn’t even spend any actual money on it.
That’s one weight off my mind.
Just another couple of hundred to go. Would we make it to the dance classes on time after choir? How would I pick my son up from rugby when I’m in a different part of town with my daughter? Would I find the right part of the hospital for my son’s appointment? Would I remember to write the letter about my daughter’s cross country?
My daughter is now doing extra revision dance lessons on a Wednesday, ready for her modern exam. Which means missing another dance lesson, but she could still get to her next lesson. So that’s choir to dance lesson, brief bit of down time and than another dance lesson. It’s too much. For her and for me.
We’d been pondering dropping one of the Wednesday classes, at least until after Christmas and the panto. But my daughter felt too tired for the other one too.
Suddenly everything made sense. We were seeing clearly. We can’t do it. I can’t juggle three kids and dance lessons and rugby. My daughter can’t go from choir to dance lesson to dance lesson. We need to relax, we need to eat. She needs to do her homework and watch TV. She needs to go to bed at a decent hour.
So she didn’t go to her dance class. She’s not going again until after Christmas. She’s focusing on her modern exam and then on the panto. We can’t do any more. We’re letting it all go.
I made tea for the three kids together. The four of us sat down to eat together. I realised this never happens in the week. I felt happier and lighter. We had to let something go. We had to get our priorities right. We’d made the right decision.