‘Not a silly mummy’

Things went a bit pear-shaped in our house the other day, leading to a thoroughly unpleasant evening for all of us. A question was asked of me and I answered it honestly, in a way that I thought was best for the whole family. It turns out this wasn’t the response that was required. The questioner knew what response they required. So my answer turned out to be really bad for the family, leading to five very unhappy bunnies.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t cheer up, I couldn’t snap out of it. I wanted to escape it all and for everyone to be happy again. I got angry and irrational.

My poor daughter was in bits. There’s nothing quite like seeing your child really upset to calm you down. I apologised to her and sat with her trying to make it all better. My younger son was sat with his back to me staring at the telly far more intently than usual. I asked him if he was OK.

‘He’s not OK,’ said my daughter. I cuddled them both and then he pulled away and curled up on the settee.

I went to find my eldest to apologise.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why are you sorry?’

‘For being a silly mummy.’

‘You’re not a silly mummy.’

‘But I got angry.’

‘We all do that sometimes.’

And I gave him the biggest hug. Who was this boy? Where was the grumpy 12 year old who likes nothing better than to niggle his brother and sister? Who was this caring boy?

Deep down, below all the 12 year old humour and sulkiness, there is a lovely boy with great empathy and understanding. We don’t see this side of my son anywhere near as much as we should, but when the time is right, the caring boy comes out. He was the only one who tried to understand and said it was OK. Of course it wasn’t really OK, but everyone gets angry and unhappy sometimes. They shouldn’t upset the people they care about, but there’s no real damage done.

My son understands because he’s like me. We are the two most likely to snap, most likely to lose the plot, to scream and shout, to feel as if the whole world is ending and we don’t know how to make it better.

But with those few words, he made it better for me.

Author: Sarah Mummy

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35 Comments

  1. I think being a grumpy 12 year old is OK so long as when it counts he comes good – and this just proves he has all the makings of a great kid 🙂

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  2. That’s lovely. He’s probably also the one you clash with the most – the one who is must like us, is often the one we find hardest to get along with! 12 is a very difficult age, this just proves that he’ll come good 🙂

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  3. Aw that is lovely. R is a bit like that and when I lose the plot, he will usually be the one who comes in with a hug or some kind words. I hope everything is ok x

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  4. Lovely post Sarah x

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  5. bless him! And we all lose our tempers a bit sometimes, its hard being perfect- but you nail it most of the time!

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  6. That’s so lovely, shows he has a massive caring personality and very mature at
    12 🙂

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  7. I hope you’ve done beating yourself up, lady! As mums however, not only do we try to be perfect, we sometimes want everyone to believe we are. You’re human and as such you’re not perfect.

    If it’s any consolation I also have a ‘runaway mouth’!

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  8. Don’t you hate it when you snap at a child and then the child says they understand… it is very humbling. But that is the business we are – making empathic, thoughtful people. Well done on that and we all have bad days. xxx

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  9. Thank you all for such lovely, supportive comments.
    It’s horrible to feel like you’ve done something wrong and upset your kids, but nice to hear it happens to all of us! So, yes, I’ve done beating myself up, Penguins Waddle!
    All is well now, thanks very much.
    He is definitely the one most similar to me, Suzanne! We clash the most, but he also understands me the best.

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  10. We all have our good and bad days, he is so loving and caring, just reminds me of youngest son 🙂

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  11. I love this! I have learned so much about grace from my children, who are so quick to forgive even when I know I am being irrational. I especially love this part: ‘But I got angry.’ ‘We all do that sometimes.’ So true! Joining you from the Weekend Blog Hop! Thanks for the smile.

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  12. I get it wrong frequently, sometimes spectacularly. All you can do is apologise and move on. Your son sounds like a very mature young man. As they grow there are bound to be teething problems because they’re finding out who they are, but as long as the fundamental is good I reckon all will be well (at least that’s what I’m hoping for!) Your son sounds like his baseline is pretty good to me 🙂

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  13. Thanks very much for your lovely comments, ladies.
    That was a lovely thing he said, This Mom’s Heart. He understands because he gets angry too.
    I think his baseline is pretty good, Redpeffer! Thanks for the reassurance.

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  14. Aw, sounds like a very lovely mature boy. We all have moments that go wrong, but it’s about the picking up again that matters and it sounds like you did well.

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  15. Its hard to be the Perfect Parent especially when we only human. Im usually left with the job to tell the kids for the 50th time that no they cant have a rabbit! because Dad doesn’t have the ahem balls to say NO lol.. so I usually get “your a meany!” But I explain why and then there understand.. until the next time they ask 🙂 #magicmoments

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  16. Sounds like that 12 year old head has a few more years on it when it comes to really count! Hope you are all feeling a bit better now x #MagicMoments

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  17. awww my lovely you give yourself such a hard time!! you are human and sometimes others set us to to stumble, teaching your children the importance of saying sorry really will be something they reember more my lovely xx

    thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments x

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  18. Hope all is ok now. That’s lovely your eldest was so loving and reassuring. We do all lose our temper sometimes that’s human nature. 🙂

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  19. My kids are only little right now but my sister (who’s kids are 13 & 15) has said in the past that she feels she’s been a rubbish mum at times and fears she’s screwed her kids up but honestly, from an outsiders persective they are such lovely well adjusted girls. Maybe sometimes we don’t give the kids credit for having more maturity than we realised and also for forgiving us for our flaws because they love us and need us at the end of the day. #MagicMoments

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  20. Thank you all for your lovely comments, everyone. We are all fine now. I was so impressed with my boy for behaving like this with such maturity.
    Sorry to hear your sister feels she’s screwed her kids up, andthenthefunbegan, that’s a really hard thing to think 🙁

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  21. Your son is very mature, a credit to you x I have a tendency to fly off the the handle too and my boys often surprise me in their sensible reactions to it 🙂

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  22. How brave of you to write this but we’ve all been there and gotten it wrong. Your son sounds amazing and quite rightly so that you are so proud of him. Sending you and your family big hugs x #magicmoments

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  23. Thanks very much, ladies. It’s very humbling when they do that, Sara. I think a lot of us fly off the handle sometimes.
    It was quite hard to write it and admit I was wrong, WWoL, but I wanted to shout about how good my boy had been. He doesn’t really get enough credit on this blog, so it was important I shared this story.

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  24. I shout far too much and mostly at my eldest (she’s nearly 9) and she shouts a lot at me too but when the chips are down and I am upset she is the first to come and cuddle me and notice if I’m not feeling right. How can they be so wonderful and yet at other times so so horrible?!

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  25. Exactly, Rollercoaster Mum! It’s very humbling. My eldest bears the brunt too 🙁

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