Right now (and for the foreseeable future), I feel like I’m stuck inside one massive great first world problem. Or maybe I just went back in time to the 1980s and nobody told me. Or maybe I am actually living in the 80s and I’m some amazing visionary who has seen into the future and is probably locked away in a mental hospital (because they still had them then) because people think I’m weird because I’m talking about computers that talk to each other and phones which you carry in your pocket…
I don’t want much from life. All I want is:
- A proper, powerful, hot shower
- A dishwasher.
That’s all I want. Really.
Oh, no, it isn’t. Actually, I also want:
- An iPhone which connects to said WiFi (and perhaps doesn’t have a cracked screen)
- A telly which can be paused and rewound and you can record programmes on it.
But these things are like some impossible dream for me, living as I am in a very temporary, rented house and facing a move to lovely house which is still very much stuck in the 80s.
At the moment, we have them shower. It is a blimmin’ brilliant shower – like a tropical storm. And it’s got a fab cubicle which is only half surrounded so you don’t have that awful cold when you step out of it. We also have the dishwasher.
We don’t have the WiFi. I DO have the phone, albeit with the cracked screen, which will connect to the rubbish 3G when it can be bothered. But it’s not the same as WiFi! Sniff, sob…
We have a flat-screen TV, but no Sky box! (Other boxes are available…. ) Over the last six or seven years, we’ve grown accustomed to recording, pausing, fast forwarding and rewinding pretty much everything we watch. Not being able to do this is a big shock to the system. On the plus side, it means the kids are watching less telly. On the downside, with hardly any books and very little else to do, they are mainly playing on the Wii. Which can get irritating after a few hours.
Looking forward approximately three weeks to the new house, we will have… None of these things. Apart from my trusty, cracked, out-of-date iPhone.
We need to get in quick and get stuff sorted. We need internet and a proper telly that will do stuff and has enough channels (particularly CITV). Those are easy to sort.
The other stuff is less easy to sort.
We NEED a dishwasher. No questions asked. I won’t even go to a holiday house without a dishwasher. Because how can washing up be any sort of holiday? There’s a nice big kitchen at the new house and we do own a dishwasher. There’s just nowhere to plumb it in. Because the house was built in 1987 and everything in it is original. We need to get a plumber in and smash a cupboard out to make way for a dishwasher. Frankly, it’s a mental health issue. Because you wouldn’t want to know me when I don’t have a dishwasher. And nor would my kids, poor things.
The house has two big bathrooms, plus two extra toilets. There is lots of space and lots of potential. But there is only a drippy, slow, 1980s shower. You don’t need to ask if it’s cold, I just KNOW it will be. I’m not a fan of the avocado fittings, but I can live with those for a year or two. I can’t live with a cold, slow shower that hardly gets me wet. So we need to make a decision – proper, nice new bathroom or quick and dirty just to get it done cheaply? Either way, it’s got to be done soon.
Otherwise, I really might start believing I’m trapped in a 1980s nightmare.