I am a worrier. I think most mums are. I know some mums who worry more than me and some who worry less. I have the greatest admiration for mums who don’t worry, people who take what life throws at them and deal with it.
Sadly, I am not one of those people and I would give anything to be one. Because worrying doesn’t make life better or easier. It doesn’t stop things happening, it just means you live life in a state of perpetual anxiety.
I never used to be a worrier. I used to be quite ‘brave’. If I wanted to do something, I just did it. I didn’t think ‘what if?’. But the very first time I took my brand new firstborn out of the front door I started worrying. And I never looked back. And with each subsequent baby there was more to worry about. More challenges, more things to go wrong, more people to protect.
Today I am worrying about two things. Regular readers will know that my husband has been building a car. As you do…
Well, the car is finished. It’s been away for testing and today it’s coming home! My husband and kids are beyond excited. I’m pretty excited too. But I’m just a little bit worried about how it’s going to actually get here…
My husband is a good driver and he does a fair amount of travelling. I’ve known him drive 500 miles in a day (and I’ve been vaguely worried the whole time). Sometimes he gets the train, which is good, I don’t worry about that. Sometimes he takes his little bike on the train and rides it around London (yep, you’ve guessed it, that worries me).
Today he will be driving a tiny two-seater car with no proper roof or doors which sits inches above the road about 60 or 70 miles along winding A roads. How do you think I feel? Pretty stressed, as it happens. This is like his dream come true. But what if it kills him? What if he gets seriously injured? What if he and the dream car never make it home? What if my kids never see their Daddy again? What if they never get to travel in the dream car?
Yes, these are irrational thoughts. But I am a worrier, I can’t help it.
As far as I’m concerned, this will be the only long journey that car ever makes. But of course it’s not my choice. Well, my kids won’t be taking any long journeys in it. That IS my choice.
My husband spends a lot of time on the phone when he drives his ‘real’ car. Apparently this is a good way to do work. He also phones me. I don’t think this is a good thing, but he has hands-free and it’s legal, therefore he thinks it’s fine. It’s still not as safe as not using the phone though, is it? But I’m never going to convince him not to use the phone when driving. But, please God, let him not be so stupid as to use the phone in his tiny little roof-less car. He hasn’t got hands-free in there, please don’t let him be tempted.
There is no rush to get home. Well, there shouldn’t be. Apart from that the kids drew lots to see who would be the first passenger and my younger son won. He’s setting off for Cub camp after school and my husband wants to drive him down to the meeting point in the car. Please don’t let him drive like a mad-man just to get there in time for my son!
Which brings me to worry number 2. My baby boy going on Cub camp. It’s only for 24 hours. He’s 8 1/2, he’s a big brave, sociable boy, but he’s still going to be away from home. I won’t be able to hear him cry, I won’t be able to run to him when he gets hurt.
We don’t do sleepovers in our family, the kids are never away from us. He’s had a handful of nights with his Grandma and auntie (both round the corner) and been gone for about 12 hours. He’s done one night away with Beavers, but that was indoors and a mile away from home.
This is maybe 30 or 40 miles from home and with lots of Cubs packs from all over the country. He will be one of the youngest there. There are lots of activities, and my son is very good at having accidents.
I am feeling anxious and he hasn’t even gone yet. So that’s me worrying all day today and tomorrow.
Any tips on not worrying?! I know the reasons for not doing it, I’m just UNABLE to not do it. And I worry that as I get older I am just going to worry more… Aaagh!