I’m a very healthy person. I never get ill. Seriously. People say to me ‘Oh yeah, ‘cos when you’re a mum you haven’t got time to be ill, have you?’. No, it’s not that. I don’t drag myself out of my sick bed, dosed up with Ibuprofen and antibiotics to go on the school run. I don’t go to work praying I don’t have an ‘accident’ because I’m suffering from a sickness bug. I just don’t get ill.
I’m quite proud of it. In terms of Things To Be Proud Of it’s not exactly up there with winning the Nobel Peace Prize or getting an Olympic gold medal, but it’s in my arsenal along with Being a Reasonably Good Press Officer.
I’ve even used my exemplary sickness record to try and get myself jobs. When all you’ve got on your CV is a 2:1 in Mickey Mouse Studies from a former polytechnic, two years working full-time at McDonald’s and a few days’ freelance journalism, you’re going to use anything that will make you stand out. I’d like to say it worked, but it didn’t.
I was always a very healthy child. My brother and sister used to get ill – nasty coughs and sickness bugs, but I never did. I last threw up when I was 12. TWELVE. And that was because of salmonella. The time before that I was 8. Being teetotal has obviously helped me keep my record and I was lucky with my pregnancies.
After I had my eldest I did get a few minor viruses and little bouts of diarrhoea, as my immunity adjusted to having a little boy bringing home bugs from nursery all the time. But by the time I had my younger son, that had pretty much stopped.
I last had diarrhoea in September 2006. I last had a day off work ill in December 2006 – weird allergic reaction to something – which was so weird I felt the need to go into work anyway just to lift up my hoodie and show everyone the hives which were covering my entire body. I was last ill in April 2009 – a slight temperature and just feeling a bit run-down and under the weather for a day or two. The sort of thing most people have three or four times a year.
I don’t know what my secret is. It’s a shame, because if I did know I could probably make a fortune. Exercise and a good diet? Good genes? Good hygiene? It’s probably a combination of all three.
So that’s me. Healthy and desperately touching wood. Because saying it out loud (well, writing it down) might jinx me.